my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
