thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
