Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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