I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
do nipples grow back?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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