Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
