We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
