I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
