Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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