we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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