holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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