U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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