Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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