wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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