Best friends brother. Beat that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
