I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
