wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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