you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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