if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize