Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
