She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
As shirtless as possible
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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