If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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