chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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