I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
