He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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