Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
