go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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