She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
