im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What a dumb baby whore.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
