dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
In America we eat man semen.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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