I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
