Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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