So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
