I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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