Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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