Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
