I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
