i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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