You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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