glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
