You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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