I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
