new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
