Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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