I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
