I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
