Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
