Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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