and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
