I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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