oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
