omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
