It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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