so let's talk penis.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
