My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
