And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
