I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
