So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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