i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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