speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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