Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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