I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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